Saturday, August 13, 2011

Scandalous Saturday--Joey Barton and Breasts

Recently, I asked my Facebook friends if there were any topics that they would like to see "Up For Discussion."  Two topics were given that, at first glance, seem unrelated.  However, upon further investigation, a linkage has been found.

Joey Barton is seldom confused with his namesake Joe Barton. Until now.  If you examine the dates closely, you will notice that only two years prior to Joe Barton being elected to the United States Congress, Joey Barton was born.  Where was Joe at that time?  Well, Wikipedia doesn't say, but if you examine the WikiLeaks papers you will see that Joe spent a significant period of time in England during this time.

What else could possible account for the violent behaviour of Joey Barton except the knowledge that your birth-father abandoned you to a life of fame and fortune as a footballer only to become a card-carrying Tea Party member.  What else you ask?  One other little known fact.

Joey Barton has, by all accounts, an aversion to breasts.  Specifically breasts being used to give life to infants. A little known fact about every altercation he's been in is that in the stands, at the very time he lashes out at fans and players alike, there has been a mother innocently breastfeeding her newborn.  What a mother is doing with a newborn at a rowdy football match is a subject for another day--but, this outrage, combined with the unfortunate fact that Joey's never gotten over being abandoned by Joe, has led to countless violent outbursts.

If time permits, we'll go into further detail about the correlation between these events--as well as the growing suspicion that breastfeeding in general is a causal agent of road-rage.  Evidence of this is the numerous accidents caused by male drivers gawking at women breastfeeding their babies on sidewalk benches.  If only these mothers would cover up so that the only accidents occuring would be those caused by the mini-mini or the disappearing top.

So, thank you loyal readers for enlightening me to the hitherto unknown relation of Joe, Joey and breastfeeding in public and allowing this hidden taboo to be brought "Up For Discussion."

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